Breaking Up is Hard to Do

Dear Jack,

We’ve had many fun years together, haven’t we? I still remember the day we met in high school. Those $0.99 tacos, all fresh and steamy and made just for me were the key to my heart. And when you made me my first Ultimate Cheeseburger, you filled my soul with deliciousness.

These past fifteen years have been so wonderful.

I’m sure you’ve noticed how distant I’ve been as of late. Until last night and this morning. It was great being back together, even though it was only a short time.

I’m sorry, Jack, but I can’t do this anymore. I have to put myself first. My body just can’t take what you have anymore. All the soy, dairy, eggs, and meat. I’ve always loved the way you handled them, just as I’ve always loved everything about you from that first afternoon so very long ago.

It’s not you, Jack. It’s me. I can no longer process your culinary goodness. My body rejects it faster than Volvo rejects my credit score.

Please know I still, and always will, love you, Jack. And we’ll always have those late nights we shared together, even if they’re only memories.

Uriah

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