Book Review from Insomnialand: The Vision by Dean Koonts

Yes, this book was written and published before half of my DNA was shot into the other half of my DNA, but here are my thoughts on it, anyway.

The VisionThe Vision by Dean Koontz

My rating: 2 of 5 stars

Mary is a talented clairvoyant who’s found her calling in helping police across the country solve cases despite having no leads. Aided and guided by her devoted husband and doting brother, she’s led a seemingly simple life. Until her visions change, and a dark, preternatural force seems to enter her life. Where are these visions coming from? Will she be able to solve this new case and find her answers before it’s too late for her and those she loves?

Far from one of Koontz’s best works, this is still a fun read. It has an easy, flowing rhythm to it, along with fabulous dialogue. Mystery fans be forewarned, as the killer is easily distinguished by the end of the second chapter. It’s the brother. This was most likely the height of the disappointment for me, especially considering just how hard Koontz seems to try and steer the reader towards believing the killer is the husband.

Let’s be realistic, here, for a second. If you trip and fall and obtain a small cut upon your finger, your entire sleeve will not be ruined by copious amounts of blood unless you have some type of medical disorder, at which point you will be going to see a doctor. When you trip and fall again, and reopen the two day old wound and it ruins your shirt and jacket from even more blood, and then you get stabbed three or four times and shot, you’re likely going to bleed out extremely quickly from these massive, gaping wounds you’ve sustained, rather than being able to walk across a 60 yard room, down a corridor, force open a heavy oak and glass window, climb out of the window, fall six feet, and then climb to your feet to greet police officers…unless, of course, you’re batman, which this character most certainly is not.

I also failed to get an emotional connection to the characters, something I’ve grown accustomed to in other works by Koontz. I shed a tear at the end of Odd Thomas, grew frustrated at the failed attempts and lack of connection in Lightning, and was out of breath from fear, anticipation, and shear flabbergastedness in both Fear Nothing and Seize the Night. When someone died in this book, I honestly didn’t care other than to think, “Hm, I wonder who the killer could possibly be” in overly sarcastic tones to myself while turning the page.

All in all, while it’s not overly terrible, it’s not a fantastic work, or even up to par by Koontz standards. That being said, if you are a die hard fan of Dean Koontz or are simply looking for a quick read, pick it up, but don’t feel bad about skimming through it. Otherwise, skip it.

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Also, I don’t care if YOU don’t think it’s a word, I think it’s a word, it makes sense in that sentence, and I’m keeping it there.

Stream of Thought

Stream of thought?  Stream of conciousness would be better.  That’s not spelled right…

Conciousness…contioiusness…contientiousness…English sucks…

Why do we say “this sucks” or “this blows” when blow jobs are so totally awesome?

The wind blows, and that’s a good thing….

It would be really nice outside if there was some wind. Why doesn’t god blow more?

Stupid mosquitoes won’t leave me alone. They got rid of West Nile Virus, right?

Oh my god, what if I get malaria or something?

Did you know malaria are flatworms? #thingsilearnedfromthetwilightmoviebutnotinschool

School was stupid. I didn’t learn how babies were made until a girlfriend sat me down with the book “A Baby is Born” when I was 22 #schoolisstupid #truestory

I want children but I couldn’t even raise a pumpkin without it dying.

Maybe I’d do better with a flesh and blood thing. At least I wouldn’t feel so guilty when it died because I’d probably be in prison.

I made the mistake of watching that movie “Nature’s Grave” and now I keep thinking that stupid moth is going to come after me #zombiemothsarescary

All the guys at work made fun of me when I told them I like to crochet.

But that just means I have really nimble fingers and am good with my hands #thatsrightladiesandimsingletoo

I think I’m still delusionally dehydrated from Yom Kippur.

What Are They Feeding Our Children?

So one of my mom’s friends just had a kid on Monday.  Mazel Tov to her!  However, she already has a son (nothing wrong with that) and the kid is terrified of women going into labor because he apparently saw a movie where the mother died in labor.  Ok, the kid’s, like, five, so no big whoop.  He’s allowed to be scarred for life by television and movies.  Where I take issue with the kid (or possibly his parents) is when he asked my mom if she wanted to see his “pet hamster”.

Now, if some kid asked me if I wanted to see his “pet hamster”, I’d be thinking about this:

This is a hamster

Which is, to be honest, what I think everyone expects.  However, my mom got this:

This is NOT a hamster

In a cute, tiny little cage.

So why does the kid think that a tarantula is a hamster?  I haven’t the foggiest idea, although I think it comes from the LSD they’re lacing the mystery meat with in the cafeteria.

Okay, that last comment wasn’t fair.  I don’t know about y’all, but where I went to school, we had awesome food.  They even had this awesome breakfast pizza with egg, cheese, sausage, and sawdust gravy (sawdust not included) and I almost wish I could go back to school just to have that awesome food.  It’s what made the torment, ridicule, and acne worth every painstaking hour of my life wasted inside the cinderblock rooms.

And does anyone have any idea as to why movie is spelled movie and not movy since the rules of grammar state that it should be movy and only movie if there’s an “s” on the end?  STUPID ENGLISH LANGUAGE!