Book Review from Insomnialand: The Vision by Dean Koonts

Yes, this book was written and published before half of my DNA was shot into the other half of my DNA, but here are my thoughts on it, anyway.

The VisionThe Vision by Dean Koontz

My rating: 2 of 5 stars

Mary is a talented clairvoyant who’s found her calling in helping police across the country solve cases despite having no leads. Aided and guided by her devoted husband and doting brother, she’s led a seemingly simple life. Until her visions change, and a dark, preternatural force seems to enter her life. Where are these visions coming from? Will she be able to solve this new case and find her answers before it’s too late for her and those she loves?

Far from one of Koontz’s best works, this is still a fun read. It has an easy, flowing rhythm to it, along with fabulous dialogue. Mystery fans be forewarned, as the killer is easily distinguished by the end of the second chapter. It’s the brother. This was most likely the height of the disappointment for me, especially considering just how hard Koontz seems to try and steer the reader towards believing the killer is the husband.

Let’s be realistic, here, for a second. If you trip and fall and obtain a small cut upon your finger, your entire sleeve will not be ruined by copious amounts of blood unless you have some type of medical disorder, at which point you will be going to see a doctor. When you trip and fall again, and reopen the two day old wound and it ruins your shirt and jacket from even more blood, and then you get stabbed three or four times and shot, you’re likely going to bleed out extremely quickly from these massive, gaping wounds you’ve sustained, rather than being able to walk across a 60 yard room, down a corridor, force open a heavy oak and glass window, climb out of the window, fall six feet, and then climb to your feet to greet police officers…unless, of course, you’re batman, which this character most certainly is not.

I also failed to get an emotional connection to the characters, something I’ve grown accustomed to in other works by Koontz. I shed a tear at the end of Odd Thomas, grew frustrated at the failed attempts and lack of connection in Lightning, and was out of breath from fear, anticipation, and shear flabbergastedness in both Fear Nothing and Seize the Night. When someone died in this book, I honestly didn’t care other than to think, “Hm, I wonder who the killer could possibly be” in overly sarcastic tones to myself while turning the page.

All in all, while it’s not overly terrible, it’s not a fantastic work, or even up to par by Koontz standards. That being said, if you are a die hard fan of Dean Koontz or are simply looking for a quick read, pick it up, but don’t feel bad about skimming through it. Otherwise, skip it.

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Also, I don’t care if YOU don’t think it’s a word, I think it’s a word, it makes sense in that sentence, and I’m keeping it there.

Stream of Thought

Stream of thought?  Stream of conciousness would be better.  That’s not spelled right…

Conciousness…contioiusness…contientiousness…English sucks…

Why do we say “this sucks” or “this blows” when blow jobs are so totally awesome?

The wind blows, and that’s a good thing….

It would be really nice outside if there was some wind. Why doesn’t god blow more?

Stupid mosquitoes won’t leave me alone. They got rid of West Nile Virus, right?

Oh my god, what if I get malaria or something?

Did you know malaria are flatworms? #thingsilearnedfromthetwilightmoviebutnotinschool

School was stupid. I didn’t learn how babies were made until a girlfriend sat me down with the book “A Baby is Born” when I was 22 #schoolisstupid #truestory

I want children but I couldn’t even raise a pumpkin without it dying.

Maybe I’d do better with a flesh and blood thing. At least I wouldn’t feel so guilty when it died because I’d probably be in prison.

I made the mistake of watching that movie “Nature’s Grave” and now I keep thinking that stupid moth is going to come after me #zombiemothsarescary

All the guys at work made fun of me when I told them I like to crochet.

But that just means I have really nimble fingers and am good with my hands #thatsrightladiesandimsingletoo

I think I’m still delusionally dehydrated from Yom Kippur.

What Are They Feeding Our Children?

So one of my mom’s friends just had a kid on Monday.  Mazel Tov to her!  However, she already has a son (nothing wrong with that) and the kid is terrified of women going into labor because he apparently saw a movie where the mother died in labor.  Ok, the kid’s, like, five, so no big whoop.  He’s allowed to be scarred for life by television and movies.  Where I take issue with the kid (or possibly his parents) is when he asked my mom if she wanted to see his “pet hamster”.

Now, if some kid asked me if I wanted to see his “pet hamster”, I’d be thinking about this:

This is a hamster

Which is, to be honest, what I think everyone expects.  However, my mom got this:

This is NOT a hamster

In a cute, tiny little cage.

So why does the kid think that a tarantula is a hamster?  I haven’t the foggiest idea, although I think it comes from the LSD they’re lacing the mystery meat with in the cafeteria.

Okay, that last comment wasn’t fair.  I don’t know about y’all, but where I went to school, we had awesome food.  They even had this awesome breakfast pizza with egg, cheese, sausage, and sawdust gravy (sawdust not included) and I almost wish I could go back to school just to have that awesome food.  It’s what made the torment, ridicule, and acne worth every painstaking hour of my life wasted inside the cinderblock rooms.

And does anyone have any idea as to why movie is spelled movie and not movy since the rules of grammar state that it should be movy and only movie if there’s an “s” on the end?  STUPID ENGLISH LANGUAGE!


So I’m sitting at IHOP listening to songs from Disney movies.  I’m not sure if that’s cool or if it just makes me more of a loser.  I do know, however, that when I turn my music off and people think I can’t hear them because my ear buds are still in their conversations are rather interesting.  Or maybe they just seem more interesting because I’m effectually spying on them.

I think I’ve finally figured out why “Beauty and the Beast” is my favorite movie: I AM The Beast.  I’m all kinds of ugly and psycho on the outside, but am super sweet and wonderful and prince-like on the inside.

And why the fuck is “movie” spelled with an “ie” when it’s not plural?  IT MAKES NO SENSE!  If there’s no “s” at the end it should be spelled with a “y”.  Stupid English teachers enforcing rules for a stupid language!

And what is with the cute server waiting on the guys next to me and having to shake her butt in my face?  I mean, I’m not normally all slutty when it comes to girls, but DAMN!  I kind of wonder if she was watching me check her butt out in the reflection of the window (she watching the reflection, as I’m not nearly lame enough to watch some chicks butt reflected in a window, I only watch it live, especially when it’s right in my face like it just was.) because she would shake it more every time I looked over.  I kind of wish it would come back.

I’m so confused right now.  I’m listening to a Pandora station for musical soundtracks and pining for a chick.  What the FUCK is up with that?

Sugar We’re Going Down (boys that don’t suck, part deux)

Okay, first off, a minor rant of utmost importance to the continuation of the human race:

If you’re going to have a letter (or two) in a word, they should be pronounced, and if someone pronounces them, they should be applauded for passing their hooked on phonix course, not scolded for being an idiot.  Ex.: deux, meaning, 2.  WHY DOES IT HAVE AN “E” AND AN “X”?  We don’t pronounce them!  This is utter insanity!  It should be pronounced either (dee-ucks) or, for those who believe a letter can “steal” the sound of another letter (day-ucks).  BUT NO, it’s not.

And, for the record, couldn’t that possibly be what’s wrong with society is that, at such a young and tender age as that of when we are first learning to read, we are taught that it is completely “ok” to steal things from others so long as it serves a purpose?

Teacher: Hey class!  Today we’re going to learn about how the letter “C” sometimes steals the sound of the letter “S”

Pupil1: But my mommy told me it’s wrong to steal and that I’ll be eaten by a moose if I do!

Teacher: Oh, it’s okay-

Pupil2: A moose once bit my sister!

Teacher: No, a moose won’t eat you for stealing a sound, children, so it’s going to be alright!

Pupil3: Bitch, gimme your iPod ‘fo I shoot you!

Pupil1: WHAAAA!!! *gives away iPod and curls into fetal position sobbing, even 45 years later when recounting this memory in therapy*

So, you see, a letter should only use it’s own sound and not be such a horrible influence on our children!  We should get together and petition Congress to change the laws so that each letter can only use it’s own sound and those that don’t should be censored by the new Letter Association Registered Dialect for American Single Sounds, or L.A.R.D.A.S.S.  That way no child will ever have to suffer the horrific fate of Pupil1, nor be given improper social training, as did Pupil3.

I went to a sandwich shop with a friend on Wednesday (don’t get me started on this word and that horrible English pronunciation) and utterly enjoyed my sandwich.  And then I got sick, causing me to utterly hate my sandwich.  And then we went and saw “Daybreakers” with Ethan Hawke and Willem Dafoe.  The only good things about that movie were Dafoe’s one liners and Ethan Hawke taking his shirt off for, like, 10 seconds.  And, holy shit, Ethan Hawke’s gotten old.  Also, Willem Dafoe made a deal with Satan because he never seems to get older.  He ALWAYS looks like that, although in this movie his hair is died.

Totally not worth a $7 ticket and $9 for two small sodas.  Seriously, $4.50 for a small fucking soda?  What’s wrong with America today?

Answer, see above.