I’m a Horrible Plant Father

So I killed all of my plants.  It’s horrible.  I feel like I should be taken in by CPS, only it wouldn’t be CPS, it would be PPS, and then I’d get beaten for making immature PP jokes.  Then they’d ask me if I was even taking this seriously and I’d be all, “Um, hello, they were plants, not people.  We eat them.  What part of this do you not understand?”  And then they’d throw chlorophyll on me and call me a monster, but PETA would applaud me, and then I’d invite the PETA people to a nice steak dinner, and then I’d be covered in pig’s blood and chlorophyll.  Then I’d have to convert BACK to Christianity because I’d be Christmas colors and I’m just not okay with that.

But, yeah, I killed them.  It was more an accidental homicide, but, alas, my babies are all dead or dying.  Even my totally rockin pumpkin that was kicking ass and taking names…poor thing’s trying to protect itself…which basically means it cut itself off from everything and is going to be a tiny little nub coming out of the dirt in the next day or two.  I almost cried.  And this late in the year I likely won’t get much of a harvest from the seedlings I planted after this gruesome discovery, if I get any kind of harvest, and that’s assuming they’re even going to germinate.

I’m ready this time, though.  If they do, in fact, germinate, they’ll do so right around the time of my next check, which means I can make a tiny little greenhouse for them, so hopefully they’ll all survive.  The greenhouse won’t really work for the peppers, though.  Those’ll just stay out and enjoy their natural habitat.  If Texas weather cooperates.

Yeah, when your backyard’s green in June out here, it signifies a problem.  That’s just not natural for Texas.

I always wanted to be a farmer

Ever since I can remember I wanted to live on a farm.  Not the kind of farm where you killed things, but the kind of farm where you grew things.  I always wanted to have corn, broccoli, lettuce, dairy cows, etc.  I wanted to go outside and pick dinner, not pull it out of a sack.  Recently I discovered hydroponics, so I figured I’d give it the good ol’ college try.

Thus far I’m merely experimenting, but I figure I might as well catalogue my experiments.  I might not follow all the rules I was taught in school when it comes to experiments, but I sure as hell try.

Just planted

The day I planted my seed

I simply went to Wal-Mart and purchased a starter tray with peat pellets and had at it.  Okay, I decided not to plant 72 seeds at once because 1) I didn’t want to be overwhelmed and B) I would have had a huge harvest I couldn’t possibly consume, so I’m doing a set each week.

Day 5, some seedlings going on

This is the morning of Day 5

The lettuce is at the bottom and that huge thing is the pumpkin.  In a few hours, the watermelon, just above the lettuce, sprouted a good 2 inches.  I feel loved by my future food.  I wound up having to transplant the pumpkin into a different mini greenhouse, which it outgrew in less than an hour, so it’s now sitting in the window, thusly:

6 inches in only 6 days

This thing's gonna be HUGE!

Hopefully it’ll continue at this rate, but who knows.  I have high hopes for this pumpkin.  A nice, big Jack O Lantern and some awesome pie, at the least!  The watermelon and lettuce have also been transplanted into new mini greenhouses:

Bottles of lettuce and watermelon

Look how tall those melon seedlings are already!

That melon has grown that big in less than 24 hours.  I’m excited, for both of them.  All three of my lettuce seeds have taken, but they look kind of weak, so we’ll see what becomes of them.  Tomorrow I’m going to plant more seeds, so if they don’t take, it’s not too huge of a loss.  Still haven’t decided if I’m going to do the lettuce hydro or not for the first set.  I might do this soil and the next water culture, but who knows how I’ll feel when it comes time to transplant.

And since I haven’t read anything about hydroponic root veggies, guess what I’m doing?  That’s right, carrot and leek hydro!  I have the entire system planned and the seeds germinating, so we shall see what happens.  The only picture I have thus far is pretty boring since I sowed them only yesterday, but since you asked, why, yes, here is a picture of them in their greenhouse:

It's just dirt, you aint missing much

So exciting, right?

There.  You’re welcome.