I’m a Horrible Plant Father

So I killed all of my plants.¬† It’s horrible.¬† I feel like I should be taken in by CPS, only it wouldn’t be CPS, it would be PPS, and then I’d get beaten for making immature PP jokes.¬† Then they’d ask me if I was even taking this seriously and I’d be all, “Um, hello, they were plants, not people.¬† We eat them.¬† What part of this do you not understand?”¬† And then they’d throw chlorophyll on me and call me a monster, but PETA would applaud me, and then I’d invite the PETA people to a nice steak dinner, and then I’d be covered in pig’s blood and chlorophyll.¬† Then I’d have to convert BACK to Christianity because I’d be Christmas colors and I’m just not okay with that.

But, yeah, I killed them.¬† It was more an accidental homicide, but, alas, my babies are all dead or dying.¬† Even my totally rockin pumpkin that was kicking ass and taking names…poor thing’s trying to protect itself…which basically means it cut itself off from everything and is going to be a tiny little nub coming out of the dirt in the next day or two.¬† I almost cried.¬† And this late in the year I likely won’t get much of a harvest from the seedlings I planted after this gruesome discovery, if I get any kind of harvest, and that’s assuming they’re even going to germinate.

I’m ready this time, though.¬† If they do, in fact, germinate, they’ll do so right around the time of my next check, which means I can make a tiny little greenhouse for them, so hopefully they’ll all survive.¬† The greenhouse won’t really work for the peppers, though.¬† Those’ll just stay out and enjoy their natural habitat.¬† If Texas weather cooperates.

Yeah, when your backyard’s green in June out here, it signifies a problem.¬† That’s just not natural for Texas.

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I always wanted to be a farmer

Ever since I can remember I wanted to live on a farm. ¬†Not the kind of farm where you killed things, but the kind of farm where you grew things. ¬†I always wanted to have corn, broccoli, lettuce, dairy cows, etc. ¬†I wanted to go outside and pick dinner, not pull it out of a sack. ¬†Recently I discovered hydroponics, so I figured I’d give it the good ol’ college try.

Thus far I’m merely experimenting, but I figure I might as well catalogue my experiments. ¬†I might not follow all the rules I was taught in school when it comes to experiments, but I sure as hell try.

Just planted

The day I planted my seed

I simply went to Wal-Mart and purchased a starter tray with peat pellets and had at it. ¬†Okay, I decided not to plant 72 seeds at once because 1) I didn’t want to be overwhelmed and B) I would have had a huge harvest I couldn’t possibly consume, so I’m doing a set each week.

Day 5, some seedlings going on

This is the morning of Day 5

The lettuce is at the bottom and that huge thing is the pumpkin. ¬†In a few hours, the watermelon, just above the lettuce, sprouted a good 2 inches. ¬†I feel loved by my future food. ¬†I wound up having to transplant the pumpkin into a different mini greenhouse, which it outgrew in less than an hour, so it’s now sitting in the window, thusly:

6 inches in only 6 days

This thing's gonna be HUGE!

Hopefully it’ll continue at this rate, but who knows. ¬†I have high hopes for this pumpkin. ¬†A nice, big Jack O Lantern and some awesome pie, at the least! ¬†The watermelon and lettuce have also been transplanted into new mini greenhouses:

Bottles of lettuce and watermelon

Look how tall those melon seedlings are already!

That melon has grown that big in less than 24 hours. ¬†I’m excited, for both of them. ¬†All three of my lettuce seeds have taken, but they look kind of weak, so we’ll see what becomes of them. ¬†Tomorrow I’m going to plant more seeds, so if they don’t take, it’s not too huge of a loss. ¬†Still haven’t decided if I’m going to do the lettuce hydro or not for the first set. ¬†I might do this soil and the next water culture, but who knows how I’ll feel when it comes time to transplant.

And since I haven’t read anything about hydroponic root veggies, guess what I’m doing? ¬†That’s right, carrot and leek hydro! ¬†I have the entire system planned and the seeds germinating, so we shall see what happens. ¬†The only picture I have thus far is pretty boring since I sowed them only yesterday, but since you asked, why, yes, here is a picture of them in their greenhouse:

It's just dirt, you aint missing much

So exciting, right?

There. ¬†You’re welcome.