To Apple, Thanks for Nothing, Uriah Odell

I may look horrible in drag (no one will ever find out) but I LOVE that movie!  If you don’t get it, you really need to go watch some 90’s movies.

So after getting my phone fixed and enjoying having it back for about a week now (and dropping it, again, in a parking lot*) I decided to finally bite the bullet and sync it with the folks Vista computer to update to iOS4.  Thus far I’m not too happy with it.  I can’t multi-task or anything.  Why?  Because the phone is currently a useless pile of crap that has been “backing up” for over 8 hours! First, I had to update iTunes.  I didn’t think that would be so bad.  Two hours later, I changed my mind.  Thirty minutes after that I restarted my system.  45 minutes later I was finally able to open iTunes.  Then it took another 30 minutes for my phone to even begin syncing.

Then I said I wanted to update my OS.  Great, I thought, as it told me I had approximately 45 minutes to wait, this’ll be AWESOME to play with Pandora while I play on Facebook! Here I sit, 8+ hours later, still waiting for it to finish “Backing up Uriah’s Phone”.

On a good note, however, I finally started reading Rob Thurman’s Roadkill that I bought on release day.  And I also happened to discover that I missed the release day of her latest book.  Drat!  I absolutely MUST pick that up today when Borders opens!

I always wanted to be a farmer

Ever since I can remember I wanted to live on a farm.  Not the kind of farm where you killed things, but the kind of farm where you grew things.  I always wanted to have corn, broccoli, lettuce, dairy cows, etc.  I wanted to go outside and pick dinner, not pull it out of a sack.  Recently I discovered hydroponics, so I figured I’d give it the good ol’ college try.

Thus far I’m merely experimenting, but I figure I might as well catalogue my experiments.  I might not follow all the rules I was taught in school when it comes to experiments, but I sure as hell try.

Just planted

The day I planted my seed

I simply went to Wal-Mart and purchased a starter tray with peat pellets and had at it.  Okay, I decided not to plant 72 seeds at once because 1) I didn’t want to be overwhelmed and B) I would have had a huge harvest I couldn’t possibly consume, so I’m doing a set each week.

Day 5, some seedlings going on

This is the morning of Day 5

The lettuce is at the bottom and that huge thing is the pumpkin.  In a few hours, the watermelon, just above the lettuce, sprouted a good 2 inches.  I feel loved by my future food.  I wound up having to transplant the pumpkin into a different mini greenhouse, which it outgrew in less than an hour, so it’s now sitting in the window, thusly:

6 inches in only 6 days

This thing's gonna be HUGE!

Hopefully it’ll continue at this rate, but who knows.  I have high hopes for this pumpkin.  A nice, big Jack O Lantern and some awesome pie, at the least!  The watermelon and lettuce have also been transplanted into new mini greenhouses:

Bottles of lettuce and watermelon

Look how tall those melon seedlings are already!

That melon has grown that big in less than 24 hours.  I’m excited, for both of them.  All three of my lettuce seeds have taken, but they look kind of weak, so we’ll see what becomes of them.  Tomorrow I’m going to plant more seeds, so if they don’t take, it’s not too huge of a loss.  Still haven’t decided if I’m going to do the lettuce hydro or not for the first set.  I might do this soil and the next water culture, but who knows how I’ll feel when it comes time to transplant.

And since I haven’t read anything about hydroponic root veggies, guess what I’m doing?  That’s right, carrot and leek hydro!  I have the entire system planned and the seeds germinating, so we shall see what happens.  The only picture I have thus far is pretty boring since I sowed them only yesterday, but since you asked, why, yes, here is a picture of them in their greenhouse:

It's just dirt, you aint missing much

So exciting, right?

There.  You’re welcome.

Its Dating History Wednesday

Hey, look, I came up with a gimmick!  Go me!

So I was thinking today about some of the crazy “dates” I’ve been on.  Some of these memories are comical, some are tragic, and some are downright embarrassing.  What perfect fodder for me to give to you!

Note:  For those challenged at reading between the lines, implied meaning is conveniently placed between parentheses.  That’s () for those who don’t know that already.

Let’s start this story with a little bit of history:  Recently out of a horrible relationship filled with fireworks (which means we fought like cats and dogs, so of course the sex was fantastic) and wanting to explore my sexuality (which means I finally decided to do something about seeing all these crazy sexy guys and get some cock) I joined this online “dating” site (dating is in quotes because it’s a site that was designed to help men find other men who were currently horny so they could fuck without having to end up being arrested like George Michael’s and the whole Bathroomgate thing), because, let’s face it, Craigslist is great for finding a used couch/refrigerator/drug dealer, but trying to find a disease free guy…good luck.

A large chunk of the guys were strictly looking for hookups (which are stories for a completely different post)(the prior set of parentheses were not for those challenged at reading between the lines, but strictly for clarifying that this post is not about some fling filled with crazy sex had with an amazing Latin lover…not that it ever happened…and not that it couldn’t…it very well could…and might have…carry on), but some of the guys were actually looking for something a little more long-term than a one hour meet & fuck.  That’s where I met this guy…let’s call him Fuzz.  Now Fuzz, on paper, seemed like a great guy.  He had a personality, the same dry sense of humor, and was intelligent.  The fact we were both in food service was also a plus.

He invited me out one night with a group of his friends to play pool, and we wound up hanging out and talking for hours.  It seemed like things were going swell.

And then we went on a REAL date…

Firstly, having spent years in management, if I’m going to go on a date with a manager, I completely expect there to be a phone call and/or tardiness.  So the fact our 7pm dinner was pushed back to almost 9pm didn’t faze me.  I was actually prepared and waited at the coffee shop we were to meet at with a magazine and a book.  Shit happens, especially for managers of restaurants.  I didn’t expect, however, for our plans to be completely changed and for me to have to find my way into some neighborhood I’d never been to, nor even knew existed, with only a five minute time frame in order to pick him up instead of meeting at said coffee shop.  I agreed to a date, not to be a coffee delivery man.

I had planned on taking him to a great Thai place I’d scoped out with a “friend” (it’s in quotes because we had dated and had great sex and still occasionally hung out and watched porn together so, basically, she was kind of a special friend without having any benefits other than getting to listen to her moan and the like, as that would have been written “FRIEND” instead of merely “friend”) which it turns out closed at 9pm.  Apparently Fuzz didn’t like the idea of having a romantic dinner under the stars in the bed of a pickup.  Strike one, Fuzz.

So we wound up at Buffalo Wild Wings, sipping drinks, and neither of us enjoying ourselves because we couldn’t hear no matter how loud we were and we kept getting horrible looks and threatening glares from the other drunken male patrons.  Then his phone goes off.  It was a friend, “Hey, come help me fix my car!”

The date then devolved into him stripping into a wife beater (which I thought would be sexy but HOLY SHIT he had more back hair than a chimp!) and crawling around underneath a car (ok, that was kind of sexy) while I sat and chatted with his friend, who, it turns out, was a friend of mine from high school’s completely annoying little brother.

We then wound up at Jim’s (think Denny’s with better food and worse service) with his friend and his friend for four hours.  Then I took him home and got an, “I’d invite you in, but my mom’s asleep on the couch, but maybe we could…you know…park in the driveway…”  Yeah, sure, Fuzz, let’s just park in the driveway and have wild, crazy butt sex in front of the livingroom window RIGHT WHERE YOUR MOTHER CAN WATCH US FUCK!

“Sounds great, but I’ve got to be at work in an hour.”

“Oh…ok…next time, then. It was…nice…”

Cue awkward hug with a 6′ plus guy in a tiny truck and me driving away thinking “holy shit I’ve met someone worse at dating than me!”

So, why did Fuzz strike out? I mean, sure, talking about your ex who’s obsessed with you to the point of carving your name into his chest while institutionalised and the other ex of yours you set him up with but the guy really only agreed because he thought the guy was kind of hot and was hoping for some super crazy porn style three-way action was bad enough, but, seriously, there are razors for a reason. Watching that guy propose to his chick through a message shaved into his back hair was funny, but, ultimately, not something I wish to experience.

Plus, I don’t enjoy having sex with a laptop sharing bed space. I enjoy using every bit of bed space there is to use during sex, thank you very much and, unfortunately, Fuzz had this obsession with technology and had to have a gadget touching him constantly.  I asked about showering but, honestly, I was too terrified to ask about how that worked while having sex.  The laptop-on-the-bed-thing is the best case scenario.  Worst case involves a corded mouse and strange gyrations in order to play Minesweeper.

Anyone else got any crazy horrid dates they’ve been on? Care to share?