The CreativeBug

I have this sudden urge to start drawing again. It’s not something I’m good at. In fact, I’m a TERRIBLE artist. But I have this urge, like an itch I can’t scratch, nonetheless.

Ok, WHY is “nonetheless” one word when it’s CLEARLY three words shoved together into a PHRASE?! ENGLISH, YOU ARE TERRIBLE!!!

But, seriously, I’d love to draw a comic about the daily life of a cashier at a convenience store, since the stories I have don’t always work in the written word.

Take, for example, the story of the abandoned hooker, or the guy who exploded in the bathroom, or, Hell, all the times I find poop on the walls…

Those stories don’t work as well in writing, but in graphic form…

Abandoned Hooker

She walked in with a cigarette in her mouth, wobbling around in her drunken state on too-high stripper heals. Sitting down at the bar, she began rummaging through her purse while talking on her phone to a mysterious person while every guy who entered the store looked upon her bare legs and almost bare breasts (aside: my phone just tried to autocorrect breast to bareback…I think it’s gay, too) with lustful longing in their eyes. She rose, stumbling forward in an entertaining wobbledyweave towards the bathroom. 45 minutes later she escaped her prison-like confines of the Women’s Restroom, approached the counter, flashed her minimalistic bosom, and demanded a cigarette as retribution. I claimed I didn’t smoke, she swore I “had got to be fucking kidding” her, and spent the next hour stumbling around the parking lot, screaming into her phone at Jason, her abandoner, before finally finding a new John to take her in for the night.

One Year Spanish

So I’m biting the bullet and finally putting my money where my mouth is, walking the walk, and facing the music that I need to learn Spanish.  It doesn’t hurt my attempt any by working with so many Spanish speakers at my new store and having a good portion (quite possibly a majority) of my customers who only speak Spanish.

I’m going to chronicle my journey through this wonderful world of becoming bilingual with my new Twitter account, One Year Spanish, since I’m giving myself ONE YEAR to become conversational.

Like many people, I knew a few things at the start, like numbers one through twenty-nine, hello, goodbye, and a few others.  Already I’ve picked up enough to carry on a tiny conversation, mostly small talk, and a bit more to help me at work, like, “Where is your care?” when someone wants to buy gas, as well as a few other things.

I’m really looking forward to seeing exactly where this goes and what kinds of crazy adventures I may find myself on as I journey from being an ignorant n00b to being able to hold my own in almost any situation.

I SWEAR I didn’t smoke my brain away

I don’t know why, but my memory sucks, which is something which can be quite dangerous when you work in a fast paced environment. Think about that scene in Memento where he’s running from the guy shooting at him, gets distracted by the dogs, and then almost gets shot because he thinks he’s chasing the guy with the gun. The difference is I usually don’t have a distraction to blame it on.

Take, for example, our lunch rush today in Subway.  Do you know how many times, on average, I had to ask people what kind of cheese they wanted on their sandwich? 3. THREE!  That’s absurd!  And I’m only 28.  Can you imagine what I’m going to be like when I’m 90?!?!?!

DRIVING

Two elderly women were out driving in a large car – both could
barely see over the dashboard. As they were cruising along, they came to an intersection. The stoplight was red, but they just went on through. The woman in the passenger seat thought to herself,  ‘I must be losing it.  I could have sworn we just went through a red light.’

After a few more minutes, they came to another intersection and the light was red again.  Again, they went right through.

The woman in the passenger seat was almost sure that the light had been red, but was really concerned that she was losing it. She was getting nervous. At the next intersection, sure enough, the light was red and they went on through. So, she turned to the other woman and said, ‘Mildred, did you know that we just ran through three red lights in a row? You could have killed us both!’

Mildred turned to her and said, ‘Oh, crap, am I driving ?’

Probably just like that.
Yes, America, I AM your future!

I’m going insane!

I’ve been out of work for almost two weeks now.  TWO WEEKS!

No, I’m not unemployed, I just opened my dishwasher.  No, really, I OPENED my DISHWASHER.  I didn’t try to move it.  That’s not code for “I thought it would be a good idea to pick up my truck and see what happened.”  I just opened.  The dishwasher.

So I’ve been spending my time on Twitter.  And playing some games.  I even went to WholeFoods and got the tilapia during their one day sale.  I bought a book on kanji that I hope will help me learn if I ever get up the energy to use it.

The thing I haven’t done that I’ve been so used to doing everyday for 12 years?

Work.

And I’m losing my mind because of it.

So, please, if you care about me at all:  SEND COOKIES!  OR CLOWNS!

I’ll take clowns…ANYTHING to END the MONOTONY!

Wow, what have we come to?

So the FDA is planning on (or already has?) banning alcoholic energy drinks (think Joose and FourLoko).  Why?  I don’t honestly know.  I know the local news has made it sound as if teenagers are drinking more than they can handle and getting alcohol poisoning and, quite possibly, dying.  I mean, really, since when has college students drinking more than they can handle and getting alcohol poisoning a new thing?  Hasn’t that been going on since, hmmm, COLLEGE FIRST CAME ABOUT?

Why doesn’t the FDA do something that could actually HELP people.  Instead they’re “cracking down” on alcoholic energy drink manufacturers.  What’s to stop people from having Red Bull and vodka?  Bull blasters?  Or, hell, Irish Coffee.  I mean, HELLO!  People have been mixing alcohol and caffeine for quite some time.  Why is it, suddenly, becoming an issue?

So BORED!

Sitting in what remains of a break during my training. Really rather boring, I gotta say. I think they need to make “Extreme Training”. It would work much better and people would retain much more. Oh, wait, someone tried that and got sued. Although, we wouldn’t have to include waterboarding in OUR extreme training. Just some high wire acts and such.