I hadn’t thought about you in a while, and then I saw her. She was just some random jogger in the park, but she looked like you. I almost called out, to apologize, to yell at you, to tell you how I feel, that I’m better, that I understand, that I hate you and still love you. Then I realized it wasn’t you.

I went to the grocery store and missed your reassuring touch. Standing there in a sea of people, no one noticing anyone else, everyone only caring about themselves. I couldn’t handle it. It was those times you’d just put your hand in mine. Sometimes you’d have to lean into my ear and whisper, “its ok.” You always knew. Whatever I needed, you could give me without even having to think about it.

I made it through the store. Alone. Without you. The way I’ve done it for years. Home is the same. Not much has changed since you’ve been gone. Everything.has changed since you’ve been gone.

And then I remembered. I remembered how you could take everything from me without even trying. I remembered how you could twist me up inside, break me, shatter my very sense of self.

You were my best friend. You were the one person I wish I’d never met.


1 Comment

  1. you should call her dude. i found this by accident but if i felt like that id want to call her.

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