One Year Spanish

So I’m biting the bullet and finally putting my money where my mouth is, walking the walk, and facing the music that I need to learn Spanish.  It doesn’t hurt my attempt any by working with so many Spanish speakers at my new store and having a good portion (quite possibly a majority) of my customers who only speak Spanish.

I’m going to chronicle my journey through this wonderful world of becoming bilingual with my new Twitter account, One Year Spanish, since I’m giving myself ONE YEAR to become conversational.

Like many people, I knew a few things at the start, like numbers one through twenty-nine, hello, goodbye, and a few others.  Already I’ve picked up enough to carry on a tiny conversation, mostly small talk, and a bit more to help me at work, like, “Where is your care?” when someone wants to buy gas, as well as a few other things.

I’m really looking forward to seeing exactly where this goes and what kinds of crazy adventures I may find myself on as I journey from being an ignorant n00b to being able to hold my own in almost any situation.

I SWEAR I didn’t smoke my brain away

I don’t know why, but my memory sucks, which is something which can be quite dangerous when you work in a fast paced environment. Think about that scene in Memento where he’s running from the guy shooting at him, gets distracted by the dogs, and then almost gets shot because he thinks he’s chasing the guy with the gun. The difference is I usually don’t have a distraction to blame it on.

Take, for example, our lunch rush today in Subway.  Do you know how many times, on average, I had to ask people what kind of cheese they wanted on their sandwich? 3. THREE!  That’s absurd!  And I’m only 28.  Can you imagine what I’m going to be like when I’m 90?!?!?!

DRIVING

Two elderly women were out driving in a large car – both could
barely see over the dashboard. As they were cruising along, they came to an intersection. The stoplight was red, but they just went on through. The woman in the passenger seat thought to herself,  ‘I must be losing it.  I could have sworn we just went through a red light.’

After a few more minutes, they came to another intersection and the light was red again.  Again, they went right through.

The woman in the passenger seat was almost sure that the light had been red, but was really concerned that she was losing it. She was getting nervous. At the next intersection, sure enough, the light was red and they went on through. So, she turned to the other woman and said, ‘Mildred, did you know that we just ran through three red lights in a row? You could have killed us both!’

Mildred turned to her and said, ‘Oh, crap, am I driving ?’

Probably just like that.
Yes, America, I AM your future!

Book Review from Insomnialand: The Vision by Dean Koonts

Yes, this book was written and published before half of my DNA was shot into the other half of my DNA, but here are my thoughts on it, anyway.

The VisionThe Vision by Dean Koontz

My rating: 2 of 5 stars

Mary is a talented clairvoyant who’s found her calling in helping police across the country solve cases despite having no leads. Aided and guided by her devoted husband and doting brother, she’s led a seemingly simple life. Until her visions change, and a dark, preternatural force seems to enter her life. Where are these visions coming from? Will she be able to solve this new case and find her answers before it’s too late for her and those she loves?

Far from one of Koontz’s best works, this is still a fun read. It has an easy, flowing rhythm to it, along with fabulous dialogue. Mystery fans be forewarned, as the killer is easily distinguished by the end of the second chapter. It’s the brother. This was most likely the height of the disappointment for me, especially considering just how hard Koontz seems to try and steer the reader towards believing the killer is the husband.

Let’s be realistic, here, for a second. If you trip and fall and obtain a small cut upon your finger, your entire sleeve will not be ruined by copious amounts of blood unless you have some type of medical disorder, at which point you will be going to see a doctor. When you trip and fall again, and reopen the two day old wound and it ruins your shirt and jacket from even more blood, and then you get stabbed three or four times and shot, you’re likely going to bleed out extremely quickly from these massive, gaping wounds you’ve sustained, rather than being able to walk across a 60 yard room, down a corridor, force open a heavy oak and glass window, climb out of the window, fall six feet, and then climb to your feet to greet police officers…unless, of course, you’re batman, which this character most certainly is not.

I also failed to get an emotional connection to the characters, something I’ve grown accustomed to in other works by Koontz. I shed a tear at the end of Odd Thomas, grew frustrated at the failed attempts and lack of connection in Lightning, and was out of breath from fear, anticipation, and shear flabbergastedness in both Fear Nothing and Seize the Night. When someone died in this book, I honestly didn’t care other than to think, “Hm, I wonder who the killer could possibly be” in overly sarcastic tones to myself while turning the page.

All in all, while it’s not overly terrible, it’s not a fantastic work, or even up to par by Koontz standards. That being said, if you are a die hard fan of Dean Koontz or are simply looking for a quick read, pick it up, but don’t feel bad about skimming through it. Otherwise, skip it.

View all my reviews

Also, I don’t care if YOU don’t think it’s a word, I think it’s a word, it makes sense in that sentence, and I’m keeping it there.