My Pumpkin has a Penis

So, true story, I was surfing the internet to see what I need to do to get giant motherfucking pumpkins when I discovered pumpkins have penises AND vaginas and I was like, “Whoawhoawhoawhoawhoa” and then the internet told me that I needed to inseminate it with its own seed.  What. The. Fuck.

I mean, really, first the internet is telling me my pumpkin, with all of it’s pretty flowers, has a penis.  Okay, you know, I’m an open minded guy.  I can handle having a gay pumpkin.  Chip off the ol’ block, eh?  No big whoop.  But then the internet goes on to tell me I have to do something with the pumpkin’s vagina.  So, yeah.  I have to mutilate my poor pretty pumpkin flower and put its penis inside it’s vagina in order to get it pregnant and bear fruit.

It's a pumpkin penis with it's jizz and ants

Those are ants. Imagine how inadequate my little pumpkin feels next to me.

I’m confused.  I thought this was a plant.  See, when I decided I wanted to have plants, sort of as a nifty Science Project, I wasn’t planning on going so far as artificial insemination.  Now, granted, I don’t have to artificially inseminate this plant.  I could just allow nature to take its course and, if I get a pregnant pumpkin, so be it.  But, see, I don’t enjoy watching those close to me suffer through being childless, so I feel I absolutely must assist my pumpkin in this endeavor, despite having watched it grow up, practically raising it with my own two hands.

Immature Female Pumpkin Flower

See, girls DON'T mature faster than boys!

I would post a picture of the pumpkins vajayjay, however, it’s an elusive thing.  When I get a picture, I will share, along with video of the pumpkin sexing .


  1. It is actually a nice and helpful piece of info. I am satisfied that you simply shared this useful info with us. Please stay us up to date like this. Thanks for sharing.

  2. Hi all, here every one is sharing these knowledge, so it’s fastidious to read this weblog, and I used to go to see this weblog all the time.

  3. I have been surfing online greater than 3 hours as of late, yet I never found any fascinating article like yours. It is beautiful worth sufficient for me. In my opinion, if all website owners and bloggers made good content material as you did, the net will probably be a lot more useful than ever before.

Comments RSS TrackBack Identifier URI

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s