Rant, Rave, and then tell a story that has nothing to do with anything

So thus far the week’s been pretty crappy. And, yes, I partially mean that in a literal sense. Figuratively speaking, I mean I tried telling my boss off and that I couldn’t deal with his shut anymore and also explaining to him that he’s giving me an ulcer but he just told me I’m a great employee an that everything will work out just fine and that I’m doing a great job. And, yes, I realize commas should be somewhere in there but, really, with everything else I have to worry about, I’m saying “Fuck punctuation!”

And I started a grammatical argument with a coworker concerning “lay” vs “lie” and whether saying “I don’t lie” could be interpreted as I sleep standing up. I simply explained that people “lay” and things “lie”, which   I was taught in Primary school in the grand state of Florida. I feel absolutely no need to look up whether I am, in fact, correct, since I know the Florida state education system is filled with wonderful and fine institutions. (read: everything I learned in Florida has been proven wrong time and time again)

Also, the great state of Texas neglected to teach me the proper process for human procreation and I fully believed lesbians couldn’t get pregnant by having sex with a man until the age of 22. True story. Had a girlfriend sit me down so we could have that wonderful talk about the birds and the bees and the flowers and the trees. And hen h explained to me why Jeremiah was a bullfrog and the real reason he shouldn’t be my friend. Did I mention she was almost always high on something and this conversation involved several joints and a bottle of rum? Eh, that’s not important.

What IS important is that I’m starting to get antsy about finally writing my book I’ve been threatening to write for two decades and am considering the purchase of a netbook to help in this cause. Or possibly just the battery charging iPhone case. Or a new notebook and doing it all the old-fashioned way. But when I do that I never know just what I’ve written since I tend to get excited when I write and have no idea what I’ve written due to horrific penmanship.

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