Surrounded by assholes, and not the good kind

I’m moody this week. And tired. At least there was a drunken holiday and good food in the middle of the week. But that just made me more tired. Going to bed with a belly full of beer and rich food does NOT make for restful sleeping apparently.

Nor does a red bull and vodka, which is what I had last night while playing WoW. It’s an ok game. Loads of fun and a MAJOR time suck if you’re bit careful. But the strategy it takes…

No one should have to think that hard to play a video game unless it’s Zelda. If you don’t know what I’m talking about try playing Ocarina of Time.

Also, I’m told I’ve been promoted. Which is awesome because this means I get bonuses when we do a good job. Bonuses mean more savings. And right now, that’s a good thing.

And my boss just discovered women’s tits are two different sizes. How he didn’t know, I have no idea. I told him the human body isn’t symmetrical and that one of his nuts was bigger than the other. He freaked out for ten minutes and said he was gonna have his wife check. Ummm, really? I was taught that in health class. Maybe it’s just the whole gay thing. I think it’s just because I actually paid attention in class. Yes, I was that guy…DO NOT JUDGE ME!!!!

Also, some stupid bitch pissed me off.  I know, I work in customer service and someone pissed me off.  Big surprise.  But this chick took the cake today, even beyond the “I’m just gonna cut everyone off in line because I think I know everything even where your name comes from because you’re obviously completely illiterate because you work at a gas station” jack ass I had earlier.  Her car was broken and it was my fault and apparently that means she has to whine at me for ten minutes when I have other, more important things I need to take care of.

Winner of the Stupid Bitch of the Month Award goes to………………………….THE IGNORANT CUNT AT PUMP 12.  Come on down and claim your prize.  You have now one the title of Stupid Bitch of the Month and will be receiving the worst customer service ever from now on and will be treated like the idiot you are.  How do you feel?

I’m not nearly THAT big of an asshole

So I don’t have much time on my hands to get out and meet people, thus my turning to the Internet. I’ve posted before about meeting people online and how well it doesn’t work. Sometimes I meet someone interesting, mostly they’re flakes, but occasionally they turn out to be far above the level I’ve lovingly titled “Douche Yacht”.

Case in point:

I went over to Craigslist (likely my first mistake) to check out things for sale (still in the market for a new fridge/freezer combo) and made my way over to strictly platonic. Usually I don’t like these things and tend to laugh at many of them, but sometimes one will catch my attention and I’ll reply. This chick was just looking for a friend, or so she claimed.***

I emailed her and was like, “Yo, wassup” and thus began what I thought was going to be a strictly platonic instant messaging relationship. As anyone who’s read more than one post on this blog knows, my life has been hectic these past couple months. I’ve been working anywhere from 50 to 60 hours or more a week, have been struggling with insomnia and panick attacks, etc, etc, bitch, moan… You get the idea, I’m sure.

So, I log into Yahoo messenger and was like, “I haven’t had the opportunity to speak with this chick in a while, so I’ll see what’s up”. So I send a message along the lines of “Wow, it’s been a while, how’ve you been?”

Apparently this makes me an asshole that deserves to be told off. Somebody has some inferiority issues they need to work through because, sorry bitch, I have a life, too. Being the mature guy I am I quickly apologized for bothering er and wished her well.***

I can’t, however, keep from being upset because this cunt seems to think she’s just oh so important after we had a total of maybe three conversations before my life turned to shit. So, to all those self-important bitches out there, just get over yourselves already.

***Oh, how I wish this story could have ended with the makings of a great story for a new porn, but, alas, thus is not my life.

***And if you believe that, I’ve got a great condo right off the Arizona bay you’ve just gotta see to believe.

Gay people donate to charity mother fucker, so shut the fuck up!

So at work we’re doing this whole MDA donation thing where we ask people for change or to donate $1 or $5 dollars and then give them coupons for free stuff.  A lot of people say no, which is their prerogative, and completely ok.  I asked one guy, who used to be one of my favorite customers, if he wanted to donate his 29 cents to MDA and it went like this:

Me: would you like to donate your 29 cents to MDA?

Him: What’s that?

Me: Would you like to donate your 29 cents to MDA?  It’s the Muscular Dystrophy Association.

Him: MDA…what charity’s that again?

Me: The Muscular Dystrophy Association.  You know, Jerry’s Kids.

Him: PFFT, sure, yeah, I guess, since it helps those poor kids.  But, ya know, if anyone knew about Jerry’s private sexual life aint but nobody would donate to it.

Me: *laughs*

Him: No, I’m serious.  Damn homosexuals *mumble, mumble*

Wow, really?  It’s 20fucking10, y’all.  Who the fuck says shit like that now?  And it’s unusual to hear from someone older like that.  I’m used to the overly homophobic under 35 guys who seem to think they’re just so fucking hot everybody wants to fuck them.  Yeah, no, you’re not that hot, bro, so just stop all ready.  Hell, my pink-shirt-wearing-eyebrow-tweezing-hundred-pair-of-shoes-owning priss of a boss is the same damn way.  And, really, it’s kind of funny when he’s all “I don’t mind what you do in your own time, as long as none of them touch me” so, of course, I poke him.  (With my finger.  He’s married.  Damn, you people sure think dirty.)

Of course, there were the two chicks who looked damn near identical, though the one was shorter than the other, and I asked if they were related…that fucking pissed me off.  “What, you think all white people look alike?”  Um, no bitch, because my mama, though I never met the woman who’s spawn I am, was 10,000 times prettier than you will ever be, so stop being a stupid ho and smarten up a bit and suck some cock to make your $5 for your cheap pack of smokes and get the fuck out of my store.