This is just too much to bare! I can’t take it anymore!

You know what really gets on my nerves?  When companies say something is “new & improved”.  Okay, either it’s new, or it’s improved.  If something’s new it has a great selling point.  I mean, who doesn’t want to be the first on the block to have [insert name of totally awesome new product here].  It means you’re cooler than those idiots next door, what with there perfect marriage, perfect house, kids who made the honor roll while your kid got sent home because he ate too much paste during finals week in his sophomore Chemistry class he’s taking for the third time.  We all know he’s cheating on her, anyway, because she won’t give him head so he gets it from his secretary while he’s away on “business”, so it serves you right that you got this brand spanking new thing.

And then there’s the entire selling point of an “improved” product.  This is where that stupid bitch next door one ups you with her, “Oh, you got it when it first came out?  Well, this one does everything that one did, but faster, easier, it weighs less, has wi-fi, and it walks my dog for me.”  And then you realize why you’ve secretly been planning the bitches murder hoped for her to have a horrific accident.

But new & improved?  That’s just silly.  Or stupid.  I’m going with stupid and idiotic on this one.  Yes, I know idiotic wasn’t one of the options, but since I’m the one writing this shit I can pick whatever I want.  That’s the rules.

Doesn’t the old adage go, “If it aint broke, don’t fix it?”  Well, if it hasn’t been released to the public, how is it broken?  Isn’t that an important part of the product creation process?  Shouldn’t these companies, who want me to spend my hard earned money on their products, have all the kinks worked out before I ever decide to purchase the product?  I mean, if it was broken before it was released, but it got fixed, why would you want to advertise that?  I mean, honestly, you shouldn’t have to improve on something that’s “new”.

Just sayin.

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