Uriah and the terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day

So I had this totally awesome post already in my head at work and then I totally forgot it.  So I’ll just give you random highlights from my day:

  • One of the guys I work with (an older married guy) told us the story of him and the one legged chick.  It started with, “She had two at the time”, in the middle there was a leg on the dashboard and one on the seat.  She kept hitting her head on the window when another employee came out and screamed, “OH MY G-D, MY EYES AND MY INNOCENCE”, and ended with, “It wasn’t too long after that she got into an accident and they had to cut her leg off to get her out of the car.”  He always tells the most heartwarming stories.
  • Someone wiped their butt with the same piece of toilet paper several times and then threw it on the floor behind the toilet and I refused to pick it up because I’m afraid I’ll get Hepatitis A a slacker.
  • After not sleeping for more than an hour here and an hour there for several days I became deliriously belligerent at work and called everyone out on their shit.  No one liked it.
  • A customer, who we suspect spends all his time drunk, but since he’s always like that we can’t prove it, took a piss in my parking lot that was so powerful It (yes, I did it that way on purpose, thus was the power of The Piss) pressure washed that part of the parking lot.
  • Some 22 yo guy got a blow job from a high school freshman cheerleader that we politely ruined by having one of our best regulars who parked next to them stare into the window and tell them to get lost.  This was all under the extremely bright mercury lights at the extremely busy pumps.
  • I learned that I’m not fucked up enough to get paid time off despite hallucinating, sobbing on my way to work, screaming in terror at my alarm clock going off, and having an anxiety attack since, mmm, Saturday.

Thus was my wonderful day.  Oh, and the fucktard that won’t read my blog my friend that I was supposed to hang out with tomorrow since I don’t have to be up early on Thursday morning made me hang out with him and his girlfriend his roommate until 2am when I have to be up at 5am.  Not that I’ll sleep, but I’ve got shit to do, people.

How was your day?

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