In case you wondered why I’m insane

It’s not hard to answer the question “Why is Uriah so crazy” if you know me in real life.  Since no one who reads this does (read: All my friends are major jerkfaces and refuse to read my blog) here’s a little bit about my household.

I live in a three bedroom house in a nice neighborhood where our neighborhood watch consists of former gang bangers walking around with sticks from dusk until roughly 10pm (or whenever they all decide to throw a major house party so I have to park in my front yard like a redneck (hey, it’s Texas, that’s what front yards are for)) so all the current gang bangers go out and graffiti everything.  I don’t mind it, it gives me something different to look at everyday.  I like to think of it as living in a modern art museum.

We have a 13 year old Bengal cat who screams 22 hours a day no matter what you do for her.  She cries to be held, you hold her, she cries louder.  She cries for food, you feed her, she cries louder.  She also doesn’t get along with the 2 year old calico that lives in my parents room, so they fight.  A lot.

I have a 14 year old Yorkie who’s blind, deaf, and possibly has Alzheimers.  My mom used to work in Special Education for the local Elementary school.  One of the kids had Leukemia.  His mother told him that if he went into remission she’d by him a dog.  His cancer came back, so he asked my mom to take care of Gambit (what 8 year old boy doesn’t love Xmen?) until he got better.  Then he realized he was going to die, so he made her promise to keep him forever until Gambit joined him in heaven.  Now the dog can’t see, get’s lost in the back yard (he’s lived with us for 13 years in the same house) and is almost completely deaf.  I watched this dog walk smack into a wall, growl at it, then proceed to walk into it again.

And then there’s the parents.  My mom retired from the school district last year to be a nanny for one of the teachers she worked with.  Apparantly it’s entirely status quo to pay the person who cooks all your meals, cleans your house, and teaches your children how to walk, use the potty, brush their teeth, read, not to beat up their 6 month old sister, and does your laundry 5 days a week less than the bagger at the grocery store.  So mom now works at the grocery store.  True story: On her first day she slipped and fell on a piece of Turkey.  The doctor released her back to work and three days later she slipped and fell on chicken grease.  The doctor released her yesterday and today’s her first day back.  We’ll see what happens.

My dad, on the other hand, is retired.  He was forced to retire last year because he has a disease that causes you to go deaf and have vertigo spells.  He refuses to learn sign language which makes life frustrating because the only thing his hearing aids help him to hear is himself.  So he mumbles everything and I’m hard of hearing.  Makes for some interesting conversations.  You should see us at Thanksgiving.  I thought my mom was going to kill us as every other word was “what”.

And I work in a convenience store.  People throw money at me and call me an idiot all day.  Plus, people explode in my bathroom…often.


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