Sorry, Daddy isn’t here right now

So I’m a single 20 something who lives with my folks.  Not a great thing when you don’t necessarily want to be single, but I’d rather be single and know my parents aren’t burning the house down than get that phone call at 3pm.  No, wait, I totally DID get that phone call at 3pm…while I was at work…and living with my parents…

But I don’t get that phone call as often as I did when I lived in Georgia.  Parents are like children when they’re older.  They constantly want attention, are needy, and usually wait about two weeks to let you know that, oh, yeah, we need a new washer.  Wait, why do we need a new washer, mom?  Oh, you mean you thought it would be okay to put 3 comforters in our small home washer after all the years you yelled at me that I couldn’t even put ONE comforter in it?

No, I’m not mad at you.  What are you talking about?  I’m not yelling at you.  I promise.  It’s okay.  Have some fish sticks and mac & cheese while you watch Sponge Bob before you take your nap, okay?

I don’t have any children, yet I constantly have to play “Daddy isn’t here right now” with my parents.

Like the time they thought my grandmother died but didn’t let me know for two weeks.  I thought they died and they were all “No, we’re alive, but we’re not home, we’re in Arizona” and I’m all “Yeah, I know, Aunt Betty totally called me when she heard my message on the machine about how none of the hospitals had ya’ll in there database as dead or injured.  And by hospitals, I mean every hospital between Savannah and San Antonio on I-10” and they were all “oh, sorry, we forgot to call” and I’m like “yeah, you were supposed to call 2 weeks ago.  You’re grounded.”

I still give them a hard time about it because THEY STILL DO THAT.  Like, my mom’s tire started to shred so my dad put the spare on.  That’s nice.  No one told me until the spare started to shred.  Um, hello, how can I fix it if you don’t tell me?  “We wanted to do it on our own.”  I can’t fault them for that.  They’ve been independent since the ’50’s (my dad) and ’60’s (my mom) so it’s completely understandable that they feel awkward and insecure about having they’re youngest son take care of them.

But when my mom fell and broke her arm at work, I should have gotten a phone call.  Instead I get a text message saying she got out of work early, not to worry.  And then a month later I find out she slipped and fell, chipped her hip, tore her rotator cuff, and broke her elbow.  How did I find out?  She slipped and fell at her new job and they made her go to the hospital.

Um, yeah, you are so grounded.  You are only now allowed to leave the house to go to work.  No phone.  No tv.  Understand?

My parents are going to totally make go insane.

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