Why are all the men I find creepy?

So I’ve tried doing the whole online dating thing and let me just say, the Internet is full of creepy people. There was the chick who’s obsessed with her cow, little Bo Peep, and the countless women who I’ve never spoken to that reply to my add with “how sad you’re so desperate you’ve stooped so low as to use an online dating site” despite them having joined when the site opened…so I thought, hey, why discriminate? Guys can be sexy so I’ll see what’s out there…

Worst. Idea. Ever.

So far I’ve found a guy obsessed with microwaves, a 40 year old who’s “not ready to settle down”, an unemployed man who’s too busy fighting for unemployment to find a job to replace the one he lost almost a year ago, and a whackjob who lives with his mother.

Now, don’t think I’m being discriminitory or anything against the guy who lives with his mom. I live with my parents so they don’t burn down the house, but, really dude, it’s okay to get outside every now and again.  And, also, I don’t need you to email me every five minutes telling me just how horny/lonely/bored you are or that you just took a massive poo.  If you want to tell people that, great, get on Twitter.

So I have come to the conclusion that I’m either supposed to be single or I’m going to have to unconvert from Judaism and become a priest…

*****it’s not an update since I hadn’t published it yet, but I had to add this*****

I was thinking about this post and possibly going back to dating women last night when, suddenly, like a gift from Heavan, the most gorgeous man I’ve laid eyes on walks into my store with a smile and a skip in his step.  He was kind, sweet, outgoing.  The problem?  What should have been a 30 second transaction turned into a 15 minute (no exageration, there is video evidence, it honestly took 15 minutes) transaction because he was trying to do the math on how much gas his car would take, but kept interrupting himself so he couldn’t concentrate on the math, and then yelled at me for interrupting him.

Then it turns out he overpaid for his gas and wanted his change.  No problem.  Except that he spent 20 minutes scouring the parking lot trying to find a penny so he didn’t get back $1.99 because, “Really, who wants all those pennys?  They’re such a hassle and I have tons of change at home and don’t really need anymore because it’s not really worthwhile and I have all these cards for my bank so I don’t usually carry cash but I totally hate using my credit cards and debit cards and hey what’s this petition thing you guys have here maybe I should sign it to stop unfair swipe fees and are you going to give me my change or, oh, wait, it’s in my hand, but I guess I’ll go since you cut me off so I couldn’t finish talking so, whatever.”

Then I was extremely greatful that, despite being single, I’m not desperate enough to date that.

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