This is just too much to bare! I can’t take it anymore!

You know what really gets on my nerves?  When companies say something is “new & improved”.  Okay, either it’s new, or it’s improved.  If something’s new it has a great selling point.  I mean, who doesn’t want to be the first on the block to have [insert name of totally awesome new product here].  It means you’re cooler than those idiots next door, what with there perfect marriage, perfect house, kids who made the honor roll while your kid got sent home because he ate too much paste during finals week in his sophomore Chemistry class he’s taking for the third time.  We all know he’s cheating on her, anyway, because she won’t give him head so he gets it from his secretary while he’s away on “business”, so it serves you right that you got this brand spanking new thing.

And then there’s the entire selling point of an “improved” product.  This is where that stupid bitch next door one ups you with her, “Oh, you got it when it first came out?  Well, this one does everything that one did, but faster, easier, it weighs less, has wi-fi, and it walks my dog for me.”  And then you realize why you’ve secretly been planning the bitches murder hoped for her to have a horrific accident.

But new & improved?  That’s just silly.  Or stupid.  I’m going with stupid and idiotic on this one.  Yes, I know idiotic wasn’t one of the options, but since I’m the one writing this shit I can pick whatever I want.  That’s the rules.

Doesn’t the old adage go, “If it aint broke, don’t fix it?”  Well, if it hasn’t been released to the public, how is it broken?  Isn’t that an important part of the product creation process?  Shouldn’t these companies, who want me to spend my hard earned money on their products, have all the kinks worked out before I ever decide to purchase the product?  I mean, if it was broken before it was released, but it got fixed, why would you want to advertise that?  I mean, honestly, you shouldn’t have to improve on something that’s “new”.

Just sayin.

Grilled cheese, soup, and the Armageddon

Firstly, let me just say that making Kung Pow Chicken with tilapia doesn’t work.

That having been said, I’ve been up since 3am and I’m not too happy about it.  Of course, it could be because I slept for three days.  But I’m a little upset because I have to be to work tonight.  It’s okay, that’s what they make sleeping pills for.  I might not sleep for a few days, though, after the show I watched on The History Channel.

First of all, it’s The History Channel: Why are they playing shows about what may or may not (although it’s most likely going to happen) occur in the future?  A flu pandemic wiped out civilization and the story followed a family as they attempted to survive.  Not ideal for bedtime viewing.  I’m already terrified to be outside when a plane flies overhead, now I’ve got to be terrified of someone destroying the world because they forgot to wash their hands.  Great.

I’m curious how much it costs to build a proper fallout shelter and how many supplies we’d need so the three of us could survive.  Depending upon the reason for the Apocalypse, I don’t think I’d have time to collect my aunt from Missouri to make it four, but it’s always better to be better prepared.

I liked how they neglected to mention the President after he was taken to an undisclosed location on Day 19, though.  What would happen to world leaders during the fallout of the flu/nuclear war/alien invasion/rise of the zombies?

Ok, I just had to throw my soup away because there was dirt in it.  I distinctly remember not including that ingredient when I made it.  I guess someone forgot to wash the vegetables in this prepackaged soup.  Irritating.  But I guess that explains the rather bland, dirty taste of the soup.  It all makes so much sense now.

It’s pouring ass rain and I don’t like it

I used to love rain when I was a kid.  I’d sit and watch it for hours, wishing I could go out and play in it.  Now it’s just an excuse not to go anywhere.  Then again, I lived in Florida as a kid and it rained there everyday, so everyone could drive in it, versus living in Texas where it rains and people think it’s a sign of the apocalypse.

I decided to cook today.  So I made soup.  It’s rather bland, but, meh, I could probably use some bland in my life.  There’s been way too much excitement lately.  But it gives me an excuse to make biscuits.  I had an entire conversation with an insanely hot guy in Austin about biscuits.  It was awesome.

Now I’m trying to figure out what to do with this fake crab.  Why it’s called fake crab I don’t know since it doesn’t have crab in it nor does it even taste like crab.  Meh.